I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki,

Personal therapy memoirs featuring transcribed psychiatric sessions brought discussions of persistent mild depression into mainstream literature. South Korean author Baek Se-hee created a distinct form of self-reflective narrative with her 2018 debut memoir, I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki. By pairing real dialogic transcripts from her treatment for dysthymia with personal essays on comfort food, daily routines, and self-worth, her writing provided an unvarnished look at living between emotional numbness and the desire for everyday pleasures.

Her candid documentation of persistent depressive disorder helped normalize honest conversations surrounding mental health care and therapy. Through her published records of doctor-patient dialogues and raw reflections on self-harm and suicidal ideation, Baek reached readers navigating similar psychological challenges across South Korea and internationally.

Career & Background

Born in 1990 in Goyang, Gyeonggi Province, South Korea, as the second of three daughters, Baek studied creative writing at Dongguk University, earning her bachelor's degree. Following university, she worked for five years as a publishing house marketing professional. During this period, while experiencing persistent low mood that left her feeling neither acutely in crisis nor truly happy, she sought treatment from a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with dysthymia. To fund the release of her therapy records and personal commentary, she launched an independent publication campaign on the Tumblbug crowdfunding platform in 2018.

The project quickly gained reader interest, leading to a commercial publishing contract with Heun Publisher and broad distribution in major bookstores. Baek later published a sequel, I Want to Die but I Still Want to Eat Tteokbokki, in 2019, and her works were translated into English by Anton Hur. Baek lived in South Korea with her rescue dog, Jaram, until her death on October 16, 2025, at the age of 35.

Writing Style & Themes

Baek's writing style is characterized by direct transcriptions of her actual psychiatric sessions interspersed with introspective personal essays. Rather than offering prescriptive advice or neat resolutions, her texts document the contradictory nature of long-term mild depression, capturing how overwhelming emotional fatigue can coexist with mundane desires like craving her favorite dish, tteokbokki.

Her thematic focus centers on dysthymia, persistent depressive disorder, body image, self-harm, and the tension between wanting to withdraw from life and seeking connection. By exposing thoughts that individuals frequently conceal, Baek transformed therapy dialogue into accessible literature, encouraging readers to confront their own mental health struggles without shame.

Major Works

• I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki — Published in 2018 after originating as a crowdfunded independent project on Tumblbug, this debut therapy memoir records Baek's conversations with her psychiatrist alongside her reflections on living with dysthymia. The book explores her experiences with persistent depression, self-esteem, and comfort eating, bringing candid mental health discourse into mainstream literature.
• I Want to Die but I Still Want to Eat Tteokbokki — Released in 2019 as the sequel to her debut, this memoir continues the record of Baek's ongoing psychiatric treatment and personal reflections. It examines long-term management of persistent depressive disorder, exploring the complexities of recovery, self-harm, and maintaining daily life while coping with chronic emotional hardship.